10th try - Don't teach me how to do my job

How I feel today?
"Everything except AD"

When our Sivir asks me to pick Taric I refuse (I'm best at other champs) and offer Lulu instead. Mrs. Carry says that Lulu is not ok for his playstyle (?) and I offer my services as Sona, Soraka, Janna or Lulu, his choice. He wants me to pick Soraka, and keeping in mind the coming art change, I gladly pick her.

"just sad for the lack of cc :) do your best anyway"

Lack of cc was sadly true, until our last mate picked the rolling tank. So we were Swain, Shyvana, Soraka, Sivir, Rammus vs. Ahri, Olaf, Warwick, Caitlyn and Taric. Pink 5th Age Taric, too damn AWESOME to lose a game. Come on, seriously, have you ever seen his furry pink boots? What has been seen...

Some "where is your cv?" at the beginning, as I took flash + exhaust as usual. No serious argument about that, game starts without further talking.

The game begins with a nice laning phase and goes on with some nice team fights. The only thing worth mentioning is my request to Shyvana not to teach me how to support. Well, I just told her in a nice way that I was not going to teach her how to tank. ";)" Obviously, right after that, I fell into enemy Ahri's arms while trying to clear the Baron zone from all wards. That move ended up in a TF in our favour, though, so I can't feel too guilty about this little arrogance XD

Pink Taric did a good job, and even though his team lost, I feel like he didn't. (He coudln't lose, with that tigh suit and flowing hair.)

+ 18 rating, 1105 ELO, weeee I crossed the 1100 treshold!! :D

What if ELO-Hell was real...

I was wondering if I could draw a map of the ELO-Hell zone along the lines of Dante's Inferno (no, not the videogame!! I'm talking about the famous epic poem).

I had lots of idle time at work today, so I modified an existing diagram to the following picture. Yes, I'm really having fun with little things like this XD

I'm proud to present you the "exclusive" Dante-inspired ELO Hell MAP!

(Hey! Give me credits when sharing this image ^^)

I wish to clarify that the types of "sins" written in the various circles were chosen at random from all the (more or less) negative behaviours one can find in his gaming experience. Since these behaviours should have been sorted by their "severity", the order in which they appear reflects my personal point of view (and some graphic needs).

This painting was obviously created with the intention to joke about a very common theme in the LoL community (i.e. ELO Hell and bad gaming behaviours), and not to marginalize or judge the behaviour of anyone. Just saying ;)

9th try - Ordinary disorder

Since I started writing this blog, I did not lose any ranked match. I swear I have faithfully reported the whole solo queue match history. I guess this is a combination of good luck, good fortune and good fate. (I really lost many games before, that's why I found myself under 950 rating...)

So, next solo queue starts. I want to pick Lulu, they ask me to take Soraka instead. Sure, why not. I'm in a good mood today. I hope that our AD-carry-Teemo will be one of that cute and cuddly nightmares you happen to see around once in a while, and not another mushrooms soup ready to feed our enemies.

We're Shen, Kennen, Soraka, Teemo, GP vs. Malphite, Alistar, Sivir, Evelynn, Poppy... err.. troll picks that quickly change to Cassio and Lee Sin at 5 seconds to the start. I sense massive ping in loading screen, and fear the archaic computer our GP seems to play from.

Very quick match, with rapid action and relatively fast reactions from almost all players. Many team fights with messy gameplay and weird outcome. Our team seems to be superior, so we quickly push them to their base. We have the most kills, but again some fight fails so bad that I am really unsure of the final result. Eventually we conquer their Nexus (and had an overwhelming turret advantage), GG.

This match left me with a sense of disorder, confusion and oddity that I cannot explain. There was some spamming in general chat, mostly insults from enemies to their teammates. Nothing really noteworthy.

+18 rating, 1087 ELO, No, I'm not happy to see you!

Errr... the weird picture you see above is due to a combination of custom Soraka skins and art. I really didn't like the basic skin, so... :p

8th try - blame the support!

When everything goes wrong, blame the support. I understood that this is how it works. 
The support is responsible for early top ganks, counterjungle, too many wards around, missing pings, low ink on "ss" marks, poor teammates play, ugly skins, no RP gifts or IP boosts, Irelia nerfs and sudden headaches. Oh, and nuclear war, I guess.

So, I'm the last one at picks. 
"I can support but also mid if needed. Pick your best, I'll take what's left :)"
Some complaint about two wanting to solo top, some cv request, same old stuff. I ask my carry if I can go Lulu or if he prefers another support. He asks me for Sona, and I please him picking the mute maiden. I like playing Sona, but I have not played her for a long time. Let's give her a chance.

So we're Rammus, Wukong, Ashe, Kennen, Sona vs. Sion, Mundo, Mordekaiser, Blitzcrank and Sivir. Looks like we're facing the Macho-Macho-Team (except for the Battle Mistress of course).

Early levels make me understand what will be the trend throughout the game: QQ. Or, to say it clearer: Q.Q

I was trying really hard to save my Ashe (who was getting grabbled by Blitz every 30 sec), and still everyone in the team (not watching the map, just aware of the death alert) was continuously spamming:

"go uninstall"
"noobs"
"nab bot"
"mother******"
"why why why omg OMG"
"go tutorial"
"OMG nabs stop feeding"
"Report Ashe and Sona"

...and so on.

I lost almost all my fun in gaming in the first 10 mins, but continued to do my job, asking to stop complaining and start focusing. Of course they started spamming harder and harder. Luckily, our Wukong seemed to be a bit wiser, and started leading the team instead of insulting each member ("group up! GROUP UP!").
A massive, early TF bot lead to an unexpected ACE to our advantage. Now WHO's the support who kept everyone (barely) alive, huh? :<

So the game continued, and somehow we happened to have a massive turret advantage. We tried to do Baron, Mundo came in to steal it and... succeeded. I stunned him with my ulti, and right after that Rammus *forgot* to TAUNT him or even SMITE the Nashor. But hey, he's the one who asked me to uninstall, and now nicely begging not to report him for his mistakes. (I'm not such a heartless bastard: I reported him only for negative attitude, not for the poor play.)

However, after some split-pushing that resulted in the death of one or another teammate, we managed to push bot together while they were doing Nashor. Even though they were buffed by the power of... nashorness, we roflstomped them at their Nexus and victory was ours.

I feel happy for the outcome but really nervous for the poor behaviour of the people who happened to be in my team. How can you blame the others and make them feel bad when the game is not being lost? (And also why argue when game is lost? You can't make it better this way, no matter how hard you complain.) Why can't anyone simply focus and write only "ss", "river warded" and so on? Why must I QQ so much about the morons I were in team with, even though we won? And why is my english getting worse and worse in the process? I should behave like the support I played, and simply answer: "......"

+19 rating, 1069 ELO, The support is dead! Long blame the support!

7th try - Mooh!

Went home really late today, so I had dinner before by daily solo queue.
Support role is taken by a random Lux. I love to play Lux as support and know the potential of a well played, irritant blondie, so I accept to jungle. First try fails when summoner 3 leaves the queue, but I'm matched with the same guys for the 2nd try, so the roles are pretty much chosen.
"All except solo top pls" I say, as it's the only role I really don't know well. I can play Singed, and maybe this is the only true top champ I know at least a little, but I guess that's all.
So I take Alistar and go jungle, Moooh.
Random QQ appears in chat for no apparent reason. Subject of the dispute is about roles, ELO and who-said-what-first.


"don't start complaining at champ select guys, if u gonna QQ all game, then leave now" - Yes, I was a bit irritated by the useless fight. Didn't want to smart-talk this way, but maybe some nervous flamer could have followed my advice.


So, we're Cait, GP, Lux, Alistar, Kennen vs. Sona, Graves, Ezreal, Irelia and Wukong (never seen Wu jungling before, really curious to see how it goes).


I felt aggressive and very beefy (and bovine), so I ganked relentlessly. Helped GP (who had AP runes D: by mistake ofc) getting FB from Irelia. Killed Ezreal mid. Dived Sona bot. Again appeared from behind mid turret and pushed Ez right into Kennen's lovely arms. Turned a Wukong gank in a double kill mid. Or was bot? Probably was both. 

"I eat turrets for breakfast."
"And for dinner you eat us? D: "
"Mooh."


I felt overconfident, and fell only once after tanking a couple of turrets. Indigestion, I guess. Some more fights, they surrender, I'm a cow, come on! GG.


+18 rating, 1050 ELO, *burp*!

6th try - Almost even

So I finally pass through the giants' well and reach the 8th circle. Will I be able to stay over 1000 rating? ...for more than 1 or 2 games?


First try, summoner 2 disconnects at bans. 2nd try, our Ashe asks for Soraka as support. Why should I deny him? I don't play often Sora, and all for one reason only: her appearance. I don't really like her skins, and her basic one is an eyesore imho. I even tried installing a custom skin, but still can't fully enjoy playing or even facing her.
Summoner 5 saves me from this "pain" leaving the game. 3rd try, all pick without any problem, and I can choose my favourite Suppordle.


So we're Alistar, Lulu, Swain, Ezreal, Nidalee vs Vayne, Shen, Annie, Udyr, Soraka (well I couldn't get rid of that character at the end).


Nice ganks from our Alistar, Swain feeds a bit on Annie early, Nida devastates Shen top, Ez and me couldn't do much in lane phase but stood bravely until the lane phase disappears and all but the two of us begin roaming in a random fashion. Ezreal was caught by moments of deep narcolexy. Swain's mouse decided not to cooperate and left him stuck in a random map spot. Their Vayne got a bit fed and started melting our teammates. 


Some team fights happen, we're almost even. They reach the mid lane inhibitor, destroy it and retreat. We push bot and head to baron to start a TF at river. TF starts only after we decided to do Nashor, so it's a relatively easy win for us. We take their bot inhibitor down and go back to defend the base. They take next Nashor and as they come into our jungle to catch us by surprise, a random ward reveals them. And I watched with satisfaction as my entire group killed them one by one (they were sneaking into the bush toward us and were not prepared to fight). Bad move.


Random QQ in chat, "report XX report YY", they surrender, GG.


+ 16 rating, 1032 ELO, fear the Suppordle!

5th try - Don't steal my role :_:

Busy day at work. Time to relax with a ranked match!

Always 3rd in pick, I ask nicely..

ME: "Hi there; support pls :)"

Random One: "im support :S"

Siiigh why why WHY would anyone want to support? It's boring, it's awful, all blame and no fame, and besides that... it's my role! >.< But I accept the Unknown Stranger One as the team support, and since mid is already taken (by a Viktor who formerly wanted to be top), I go jungle.

I'm not really good at jungling, but I was somehow forced to learn this role due to needs of my ranked team (we already played *10* matches... you can imagine the skill and perfect structuring of the group). Long story short, I almost learned how to play jungle Alistar, Sejuani, Maokai and Amumu (uuuh so pro), and eventually liked this role.

Returning to this, we're Soraka, Viktor, Shen, Alistar and Ashe vs. Teemo, Katarina, Udyr (top), Renekton (jungle) and Nidalee (supp). Shuffle!

We (they) decide to start invading enemy blue. We get FB but end with 3 kills and 2 deaths, don't know if really worth it. I'm always anxious when invading. (And also when playing various roles, etc etc.)

Early lane phase seems ok, but after Viktor dies for the 3rd time trying to face Kata (he definitely wasn't playing safe) he "disconnects". Ok no, that was a rage quit for sure. From that moment on we've been 4 vs 5.

To keep it short, after a hard time keeping the lanes (I went mid first and top later), lane phase ends with a terrible outcome for us. We took down 1 turret and had half of their kills. I can only say that I was really disappointed by such a bad luck after a very successful series of games, but I was expecting this. So I was kinda resigned. Nevertheless, I refused to surrender.

And by that moment, due to the not-so-high skill level of our opponents or by some of their bad strategic decisions, we stood to defend the nexus. And moments later we were pulverizing one of their inhibitors. We endured one more ace (not really ace 'cause the 5th was always dc) but they weren't fast enough and as we ressed, we made our way through their bodies and turrets up to their nexus. I couldn't believe it, but we won. In a triumph of joy, exultation, pride... and anger (from enemy team, of course). GG :D

+ 16 rating, 1014 ELO, MOOOOOOOOHH!! :D